Interview with Empathy Travels: How to Travel with Empathy in Destinations with a Difficult Past
Béné Bicaba, Founder of Empathy Travels
In the lead up to my Sri Lanka trip, I sat down with Birkina-born, now Seattle-based Béné Bicaba, the founder of Empathy Travels, to ask for a few empathy-focused tips to enhance my experience in Sri Lanka, a destination still recovering from civil war and economic recession.
Béné had first reached out to me on Instagram after landing on my Oaxaca coffee shop guide - go figure! Right away, both of us saw a bit of each other’s missions and visions in the other. Hers: to leverage travel as a fun and immersive tool for cultivating empathy. Mine: to let travel be an open-ended adventure of outward and inward discovery. Both of ours: to create a more interconnected and compassionate world facilitated through travel.
While my means may be words on blogs and in publications, hers are carefully curated empathy-forward trips that foster self-discovery, cultural immersion, and global connection. In this interview, Béné introduces me to the concept of unsettled empathy and teaches me how to apply it to my upcoming adventure in Sri Lanka, a place that’s drawing me to it as much for its elephant encounters, spicy curries, and surf breaks, as it is for the complex history, ethnic tensions, religious diversity, and recent civil war. Empathy, in the way Béné describes it, is just what I’ll need.
By the way, if this post piques your curiosity about Empathy Travels, mention my name or this blog and receive a 10% discount off any of Béné’s trips or services (details on those at the bottom of this post).
How to Travel With Empathy: The Interview
A: Let’s start by defining “unsettled empathy” and how it’s different from empathy as most of us understand it.
B: Let me begin with a personal story. Seattle has a large community of unhoused people, an issue I’ve been privileged to support through both personal and professional efforts. Yet, every time I left my apartment and witnessed the dynamic between the unhoused and housed, it left me heartbroken. Witnessing the common practice of treating the unhoused as invisible, a nuisance, or a burden – even something that depreciates property values – felt deeply wrong.
I deeply empathized with both the housed and the unhoused. This conflicting empathy left me feeling stuck, insignificant, unworthy, and isolated. However, practicing “unsettled empathy” ultimately led me to self-acceptance, grounding, and action. I chose to hold the tension within, refusing to shy away from the discomfort. I reflected and meditated on those feelings of being stuck, insignificant, unworthy, and isolated. This self-reflection, coupled with questioning these deeply ingrained emotions, unsettled the sets of empathy I had developed.
Gaining clarity on the root of my feelings empowered me to take productive and transformative action, both for myself and others. This is the essence of unsettled empathy. It allowed me to see myself as part of a larger system shaped by capitalism, slavery, racism, and other societal inequalities. I recognized my role within a collective of activists, practitioners, and supporters working to address these issues, particularly regarding homelessness.
I am no longer stuck, insignificant, unworthy, or isolated. I am a small part of a larger picture, and I am committed to contributing to its positive transformation. My story highlights the power of empathy as a tool for connection. However, when empathy paralyzes us, it loses its effectiveness. This is where unsettled empathy comes in. This reflective practice demands that we move beyond our emotions and play our part, even if it’s just a small contribution, towards creating a more interconnected and compassionate world.
A: Okay, so you’re basically saying that unsettled empathy takes empathy a step further, ensuring it doesn’t paralyze us, but that it actually empowers us to take action and feel more connected?
B: Yes. While cultivating empathy is widely accepted as a key to cross-cultural understanding, is “stepping into another’s shoes” enough? Critics of empathy in tourism argue it’s not. My perspective highlights the gap: we often focus solely on the “other,” neglecting our inner world. Imagine empathizing with a vineyard farmer. You connect with their toil, but then what? Does the empathy simply vanish when you “step out” of their shoes?
Unsettled empathy proposes a different approach. It’s not just about passive understanding; it’s about returning to yourself, reflecting on your feelings, and questioning your own biases. Unpack, sit with, and challenge your internal landscape. This isn’t just about empathizing with others; it’s about a transformative inner journey. This introspective process unlocks the true power of travel. It goes beyond surface-level understanding, creating lasting impact and personal growth.
A: In the context of my upcoming trip to Sri Lanka, in what ways can I set myself up to have these deeper, more impactful experiences of unsettled empathy?
B: I’m thrilled for your trip to Sri Lanka! Here are some prompts to help you prepare for a truly impactful experience:
What is your practiced definition of empathy? What tools do you have available to you to actively engage with and understand the people and cultures you encounter?
What values and perspectives do you hope to share and learn? Consider how your unique background can contribute to meaningful exchanges.
What aspects of yourself do you hope to uncover? Travel can be a powerful catalyst for self-discovery.
How will you bring Sri Lanka back to your community? Sharing your experiences can inspire others and broaden their perspectives.
Bonus Tip: Reflect on what you’re willing to “leave behind in” or “gift to” Sri Lanka and what you hope to “receive” from the experience. This can help you approach the trip with an open mind and a spirit of exchange.
A: Beautiful! Given Sri Lanka’s tumultuous, and still very fresh, past, what would you say is the best way for me to respectfully and unobtrusively approach more sensitive, maybe even heated, topics with locals while I’m there? I’m curious and want to have these conversations, but I don’t want to do so disrespectfully.
B: It’s crucial to be grounded and read the room to feel out the best approach when navigating sensitive topics. This ensures a genuine, respectful engagement rather than an off-putting or insensitive one. Empathy is key. Imagine how you’d want someone to approach sensitive topics about the USA. I find it helpful to first set the context with the person I’m talking to. This helps them understand my perspective and what I hope to gain from the conversation.
For example, if I were traveling to Sri Lanka and wanted to discuss the civil war, I might start with something like:
“Hey, I’m curious about how you or your community are experiencing the ongoing effects of the civil war. I’ve read news articles and a book by [author’s name], and I’m wondering if those perspectives align with yours or your own experiences. I understand this is a sensitive topic, and if you’re not comfortable discussing it, I completely understand.”
Remember, it’s a conversation, not a debate. Be mindful of your language, body language, and approach the discussion with an open mind, seeking to learn and understand rather than convince or persuade.
A: If I find that I’m not comfortable having these direct conversations on touchy topics, are there any other less direct ways I can understand them that are still going to be just as meaningful and transformative?
B: Absolutely! Here are some tips for immersing yourself in the local culture:
Dive into Museums: Museums offer a window into history, art, and traditions. Explore both large institutions and smaller, local museums for a diverse perspective.
Become a Plaque Detective: Read the historical markers and informational plaques you find in parks, buildings, and public spaces. They often reveal stories that would be easily missed.
Bridge the Language Gap: If language is a barrier, consider hiring a local translator for a few hours or days. They can help navigate communication and unlock deeper insights.
Venture Beyond the Tourist Bubbles: Seek out cafes and restaurants that cater to locals rather than solely tourists. Embrace the chance to get lost in unfamiliar areas using public transportation (with appropriate safety precautions).
A: I know a big part of your work involves not just the outer world but the inner world as well. In what ways can I check in with myself throughout my trip to ensure I’m really processing and feeling in a way that’s truly transformative? Are there any go-to questions to ponder on the regular? How often?
B: Here are some practices I use to deepen and immerse myself in new experiences:
Inner Compass: I pay close attention to my inner world, where the magic truly unfolds. After encountering new sights, sounds, smells, or conversations, I reflect on what arises within me. Where do I feel it in my body? How can I hold and process these sensations? Is it even my responsibility to hold them? Can I let them go? This self-awareness allows me to connect more authentically with the experience.
Embrace the Yes!: When I feel safe (however you define safety), I say yes to the moment. You never know what incredible experiences and feelings might unfold after that initial “Yes!” This openness allows me to step outside my comfort zone and discover unexpected wonders.
Capture the Journey: Throughout the day, I take moments to document my experience. I might jot down quick reflections in my notes app, share snippets on Instagram, or text friends and family with memories that remind me of them. This process helps me solidify the experience and relive it later.
Postcard Pen Pal: As a fun reminder and test of the local mail system, I write postcards to myself or loved ones from my current location. This simple act becomes a tangible souvenir that sparks joyful memories when I receive it back home.
A: How can I carry what I take away from my experience in Sri Lanka into my life moving forward? Any post-trip integration tips?
B: Yes! This reminds me of our earlier conversation about pre-trip preparation, where we discussed how you envisioned sharing your experience with your community upon your return. Now, during your post-trip reflection, revisit that answer and compare it to your actual experiences. Was there a gap between expectation and reality? Why? How did the trip change you, and how do you see these changes shaping your approach to the world now? Revisit your photos and notes to be transported back to the sights, sounds, and smells you encountered. What emotions or memories resurface? Has anything new emerged since your initial reflection? How has this experience informed your perspective?
Here are some practical ways to stay connected and share your journey:
Maintain Connections: Stay in touch with the people and places you encountered. WhatsApp groups or social media can be helpful tools.
Support Local Businesses: Follow and engage with local businesses and artisans you discovered on social media.
Share your Learnings: Share your insights through blog posts, family dinners, friend gatherings, or other platforms.
Connect with Your Community: Seek out and connect with the Sri Lankan community in your area.
A: Thank you so much Béné! Any final words or something you want to leave readers with?
I firmly believe that we all have the capabilities to cultivate a more compassionate and interconnected world. Will you lead with empathy?
Connect with Béné and Her Work in the World
You can reach out to her directly at info@empathytravels.org or on Instagram at @empathy_travels. She’s passionate about working with individuals and organizations committed to this initiative and welcomes your ideas and collaboration to explore how you might partner with Béné and Empathy Travels to make a difference. Do not hesitate to connect with her for a FREE consultation, and 10% off any trips or services booked just by mentioning my name.
Some of the ways you can work with her include:
Empathy-Forward Trips:
Customized Itineraries: Béné creates personalized travel plans designed to cultivate empathy through meaningful interactions and cultural immersion.
Trip Bookings & Management: Seamlessly manage your trip with her booking expertise and expert guidance.
Discovery Together: Join one of her group adventures led by Béné herself (Socotra Island trip in November 2024!), where you’ll get to explore new destinations in a small group context, fostering deeper connections and shared experiences.
All trips include pre- and post-trip reflection prompts and expert guidance to maximize your learning and growth.
Business Services:
Diverse, Equitable, & Inclusive Travel Design: Craft inclusive travel experiences that celebrate diversity and build understanding.
Empathy Workshop Facilitation: Engage your team with interactive workshops that foster empathy and build stronger connections.
Pre- & Post-Trip Coaching: Support your team’s growth and development with pre- and post-trip coaching tailored to your unique needs.
Empathy-Forward Program Design & Implementation: Integrate empathy cultivation into your training and development programs for lasting impact
One-Day Itineraries:
For those seeking a lighter touch, her one-day itineraries offer curated recommendations for activities that nurture empathy-building.
Mention you found her through this blog and she’ll offer you a 10% discount on any booking.
